Re: Feeling Non-Adult
I’m turning 30 in a week or so. I just read Robert’s and Marisabel’s posts on feeling non-adult and they struck a chord with me. Although I’m younger, and have been a non-adult for less time, it is not less puzzling to know what it is to be an adult for me.
I think a lot of it comes from an interest in play, games and just being willing to get silly and geeky about things I care about. None of that “too old for this shit” or “act your age”. Not being ashamed of enjoying things that bring you joy and staying passionate about them. Not feeling forced to comply with expectations of what an adult life should look like.
Still, some of it comes from things I struggle with. I’ve lived with my parents until I was 28. I’ve had a few part time jobs, but I’ve never been financially independent. Still now that I study abroad, I could not do it without my parents’ support. Part of it is the career path I chose (academia), part of it is a lack of confidence to put myself out there. But I see a lot of my friends having good paying jobs, moving out and starting a life for themselves and I don’t think I know how to do that. I see other “adults” making very “adult” decisions and it never feels like something I could be doing. It always feels like something that’s 10, 15, 20 years down the line for me, for when I “grow up”.
How can I think of children when I can’t even support myself. I would like to be a father someday, but it feels like such a long way before I’m at a place where I can do that responsibly.
Now, I don’t really want to be an adult. Being non-adult is just fine. Being myself is better, wherever that leads. But I still struggle. I still get scared and worried. I don’t want those fears to stifle the experience of growing up my way.